Hand in Hand: Service & Self-Care

AJ with MP1

We welcome guest blogger, AJ Grimm, who shares how she learned the importance of self-care, especially with regard to doing a year of service but also, beyond. AJ is no stranger to the practice of serving; in addition to her own year of service, she continues to serve on Marianist PULSE's Advisory Board. 

Graduating from the University of Dayton, I knew I wanted to do a year of service. After much searching, prayer and discernment I found Maggie's Place in Phoenix, AZ. Maggie's runs homes of hospitality for pregnant women who are alone or on the street.

What spoke to me in a very Marianist way, was that this organization was not running homeless shelters, they were running homes of hospitality where women were given dignity, recognized as a person and embraced by a community, while they worked to achieve their goals and better themselves. At the same time, the mission was pro-life but did not focus solely on the baby, but rather on the health and wellness of the mother, giving her the supports she needed to get through this challenging, life-changing time.

There was a statue in the chapel of the Elizabeth House, where I lived with other volunteers, mothers and babies for most of my volunteer year. I would often steal away for a few minutes of quiet prayer and would

Mary and Elizabeth

find myself reflecting on this statue of Mary and Elizabeth, both pregnant, supporting and embracing one another. This statue summed up for me so much of what I learned in my time in AZ - we need one another - we do not and cannot walk alone. What I love about the statue is that neither woman is seen as the comforter or the one needing comfort. Both women are equally vulnerable, equally in need of the other and equally providing comfort to the other. It is in our willingness not only to embrace another but also to be embraced by another, to share our journey and walk not alone but together, when we all truly grow.

My work at Maggie's Place was life-giving, joyful, unpredictable, humorous, and fun - we got to hold babies every day! But it was also grueling, challenging, heart-wrenching, tiring and hard. Community life is hard - you cannot think only of your needs, but of the needs of your community. Volunteering is hard - you're asked to do things you may not like, enjoy or feel you are good at - but you know they must be done. Walking with someone is hard, really hard. Their joys become your joys and their heartaches become your heartaches - and you open yourself up to getting hurt. And service is hard. You're called to give and give and give and possibly receive nothing in return. Throughout this year I learned the value and importance of self-care and how necessary is is, not only in a year of service but in life. 

Self-care is not selfish. As a mother of three and a full-time counselor, I still need to remind myself of this daily. Self-care is not selfish. Self care means stopping, stepping

AJ with a little one at Maggie's Place

away and figuring out what keeps you healthy. I remember a good friend of mine from Maggie's Place challenging me when I was having a hard time taking care of myself. She told me, "AJ, unless you take care of yourself, you will never be able to care for another person, you won't be able to serve anyone." While this was hard for me to hear, I knew she was right. Pouring myself into my work and burning myself out was not productive. Ignoring the homesick feelings I was having and bottling up my frustration with a community member was not only unproductive - it was stopping me from serving, from loving - it was making me distant, bitter, hard and removed. 

Self-care looks different to every person. For me, self care meant committing to time for prayer - time to be alone with God and with my thoughts and making time to go to Mass. Self-care meant committing to taking care of myself physically. I would get up early and

AJ with Co-volunteer and Babies

hike Camelback Mountain or go to the local Y and run, being able to exercise and find time to do something I truly enjoyed kept me healthy and grounded. Self-care meant finding people outside of my house to go to for support - and being real with them. Self-care meant speaking up when I had a community concern and not bottling it up, hoping it would resolve. It meant becoming aware of my needs and vocalizing them in productive, fruitful ways. Self-care meant committing to fun whether it was playing a game of Dutch Blitz at night, meeting some friends at Four Peaks or going tubing on the river. 

Self-care is hard in general, but I think it is even more challenging when we have committed to a year of giving of ourselves completely. We have made a promise to step out of our comfort zone and serve others and so we often feel selfish when we have to take time for ourselves. But it is in our complete and total giving, that we cannot forget to take care of ourselves, seek out the support of others and ask for help when we need it. 

We do not and cannot walk alone, but in order to truly, authentically share our journey with another, we must be willing to be vulnerable, to be real and to take care of ourselves.

Learn more about Maggie's Place here - www.maggiesplace.org